The Annual Cake Slice
The Annual Cake Slice isn’t just a plate of dessert for America’s Fittest Couple. It’s a much anticipated and well-documented ritual. A totem of their committed lifestyle, juxtaposed with their willingness to fit in.
But the Annual Cake Slice doesn’t just "happen" – it’s a well-planned for event that takes months, and sometimes even years, to arrange.
It's worthwhile to note here that the Couple does enjoy dessert on a regular basis. But their normal dessert menu is restricted, comprised only of fresh fruit, dried fruit, nuts, and 85% dark chocolate. But on one designated evening, usually on one of the three holidays the Couple celebrates (Valentine’s Day, Lyuda’s birthday, their anniversary), AFC strays from the usual routine…and indulges.
The Annual Cake Slice was enjoyed early this year over Valentine’s Day dinner. And the Couple is happy to have gotten it over with, as they won’t feel stress from planning for it going forward. Plus, the 2016 Slice – a Belgian chocolate fudge cake -- was hand-crafted by one of the best chefs in Palm Beach County – and so the calories didn’t go wasted. Lyuda took the first bite, and then Jon joined her in the festivities (the Annual Cake Slice is always one slice – shared between the Couple).
Because the Couple cooks their own meals and rarely eats out, they never experience food cravings on a day-to-day basis. Yet the Slice always seems to conjure up some late night desire in the days following – and not the healthy kind a young couple ought to experience. Therefore, AFC takes extensive measures to prevent future slip-ups from any "follow-up" snacks.
Despite the many precautions the Couple takes after the Slice is consumed, a strange thing happened this year that hadn’t in Annual Cake Slices past.
At around two in the morning the Night of the Slice, Creating Substance Founder Jon Pearlman “woke up” (apparently he had never actually fallen asleep) from a sugar-induced blackout that had taken hold of his consciousness just seconds after his first bite of the Belgian fudge, only to find himself stationed at a local Boca Raton 7-Eleven holding two bags of Skittles, three Hostess cupcakes, a Snickers bar, and a four-pack of Twinkies (the Twinkies had already been opened, the contents of which had made their way to his forehead, nose, eyebrows, ears, and all ten of his fingers).
Upon gaining consciousness, the Creating Substance founder bolted out the door and sprinted down the dimly-lit streets, all empty at that late-night hour, tears of shame irrigating his cheeks between bits of cream filling. It was not until he reached the Homestead doorstep that he realized the only thing he was wearing was his boxer briefs and Lyuda’s “tapochki” slippers.
When he finally made it back to the bedroom, he was relieved to see that Lyuda was still there and sleeping like a baby. Tongue-tied and overcome with embarrassment, it took Jon a full day to relay to Lyuda the events of the night – yet being the incredibly supportive girlfriend she is, the Better Half reassured him that even more serious precautions would be taken in years to come to prevent something like this from ever happening again.
With this troubling experience behind them, AFC now recognizes that the Slices are becoming more potent with each passing year (likely due to scientific advancement in ingredient production). The Couple has already discussed plans for the 2017 Slice, and they vow to prepare themselves more thoroughly next time around.
Stay tuned next year for a more successful Annual Cake Slice outing.